The rise of the Bear and Cougar gang and also the arrival of my N.W.A t-shirt

this is a map of compton...


A lot has happened in recent weeks. Not only insignificant daily happenings as per usual, but also a series of life changing events that have led me further to believe in 'fate' and also 'spooky mumbo jumbo crap involving destiny' etc.
The first instance was when my N.W.A - Straight Outta Compton t-shirt finally arrived in the post from the Internet.
As some of you may know, if you are advanced on computers you are able to hack into the 'mainframe' on the Internet, enter a credit card number and somehow turn photos from the Internet into actual material objects which turn up at your house.





I would refer to it as no less than amazing and it just goes to show that computers have come a long way since they were first invented in the early 1990s. Back then I even thought it was amazing when Julian Maloney from up on Kempthorne Crescent figured out how to copy Amiga 500 games like Great Giana Sisters, Shinobi and Revenge Of The Mutant Camels onto little plastic 'discs' so I could also have copies of them.
In saying that, I wouldn't refer to him as the greatest guy who ever lived seeing as he blew up our letterbox with a bunch of 'Double Happy' fireworks when I said he wasn't allowed to come round to our house one afternoon.
I can confirm that my mum (AKA The Morning Stomper) was not impressed when she went to check the mail only to find exploded wood and some burnt Christmas cards. From then on Julian Maloney was blacklisted from visiting, which was fortuitous as it left me a whole lot more time to play computer games as opposed to listening to him talking a whole bunch of garbage for hours on end. Also having to share my afternoon tea was getting to be a pain in the neck.
My N.W.A t-shirt however:

It had taken almost two weeks worth of standing on the fourth floor balcony in Sam's pink togs (shirts off) with binoculars waiting on the postman.



The fourth floor tenants across the street made an awful lot of unnecessary eye contact in that time, and I also think 'The Third Floor Gays' (The TFG's) may have got the wrong impression from my daily wave. Either way, as the old saying goes 'a watched pot never boils' and the day I didn't go out looking for my arrival from the Internet, I came home from the pools and a parcel was on my doorstep. I looked around to see if I was being monitored by any 'web masters' before I went inside my apartment, but the coast seemed to be relatively clear, so I am pretty sure the Internet has not cottoned onto my hacking yet.
The t-shirt is magnificent, and when I have it on it really looks like I have literally just come 'straight out of Compton' or at the very least, a neighbouring South Central Los Angeles neighbourhood such as Long Beach, Crenshaw or Inglewood.



It also has boosted me up the heirachy within the gang 'Drugs' I co-founded with my friends Veronica and Toni. I am pretty much now gang leader and have quite a bit of 'respect' from my gang members and also from some of the other local gangs who hang out at the Neukolln Pools.



Veronica confirmed recently that she had also found a flick knife with a picture of Jesus on it that she would gift to me, so if that is not a sign of gang respect, I don't know what is.
Not only am I pleased that the gang 'Drugs' is forging a reputation as one of the best gangs in Berlin, it has also given me the confidence to branch out in joining or creating other gangs.

After a recent trip to Poland with Sam, his parents and our mutual friend Heather, we soon realised that it was no longer a holiday, but more of a quest to form an exciting new gang. This was realised once we drove into the beach town of Dziwnowek on the Northwest coast of Poland where we were surrounded by some of lifes true 'weirds' and a stretch of ocean known as the Baltic Sea. The main road down to the beach was a suitable staging point for our quest as we came across a stall on the side of the road selling a number of stupid towels and also one particularly amazing cape.
Most of the towels had stupid pictures on them eg. a dolphin in a fresh water lake jumping in front of a rainbow OR a horse standing by itself on the beach, where realistically it should have been standing in a field OR a kitten wearing a denim hat sitting inside a sneaker...
But our mouths dropped when we saw what 'fate' had sent us to Poland for. Hanging beside all the towels was an amazing black cape with a picture of:
a) a bear
b) a tiger
c) a wolf
d) a cougar
e) a panther
f) the moon
g) some stars
h) an eclipse

Sam and I purchased a cape each immediately and took a blood oath as we formed The Bear And Cougar gang on the spot.







Heather was a bit hesitant, but was happy to document our quest with photos as we checked out the local gun shack, church, and a restaurant where I ordered a burger that looked like it had been made out of old Sloth meat. I ate only one bite before smearing the ingredients on the table in disgust, which will seem ludicrous if you are familiar with my love of burgers and essentially eating in general. Heather went back later to purchase another cape, but was not as enthused as Sam and I about wearing it out in public 24 hours a day, or more specifically, until we are 'killed by rival gangs or lightning.'

But she was extremely useful in finding a shop that sold N.W.A rings which made the trip even more worthwhile as a quest.
(here is a photo of me drunk taking a photo of my N.W.A rings to send to my gang mates from 'Drugs' to prove once and for all that I am a worthy leader of the gang)


As we left Poland to cross back over the German border it came to our attention that we still were holding some Polish Zlotys, which was the local currency. We were in a hurry as we didn't want the border authorities to realise that the Bear And Cougar Gang were about to flee the country to return to Berlin as national heroes/ freedom fighters of great renown. We did however have to spend the Zlotys we had so Sam and Heather purchased vodka while I purchased a giant rug with a wolf on it. Which I hung on my bedroom wall when I got home.
(here is a pic of the Bear And Cougar Gang admiring the Wolf blanket)




It was also great to find out recently that the actor Nicholas Cage ate magic mushrooms with his cat 'Lewis' and hallucinated that they were brothers.
I have never taken magic mushrooms with a cat before, but if the situation came up I assume 'Lewis' would be a suitably named cat to do it with.