JUPITER, MARS, BLUE WHALES, THE FOURTH DIMENSION, AND SOME NEWS ON MY ENEMIES

This week, as per usual, I have been exploring outer space and the universe on the Internet most days. Essentially it feels like I am back at university or at the very least doing my masters or PHD from home. I am learning so much that I refer to my time on the Internet as 'The Virtual School Of Life' and I don't feel any real guilt that I am an unemployed musician living in the Turkish quarter of Berlin with an approximate budget of around 6 New Zealand dollars per day for food and entertainment.
I also feel like a real grown up finally as I now watch approximately the same amount of documentaries as I do fantasy or sci-fi movies, so there seems to be a real 'paradigm shift' there as I transcend from adolescent to adult.
In fact only a couple of days ago I decided to watch a documentary on Blue Whales as opposed to the fantasy film Pan's Labyrinth. Although I have seen Pan's Labyrinth twice before it still showed that i am 'ready to learn'.
I have decided after watching this particular documentary that if I ever meet a professional whaler I will most certainly give them a piece of my mind. And for my Anti-Whaler Piece De Resistance I will also somehow find out which car is theirs in the parking lot and kick it in and maybe even urinate on the radiator.



If you weren't aware, Blue Whales are pretty big and therefore, apart from human beings, their main enemy are Giant Squids, the Kracken, and to a lesser extent giant sharks and/or crocodiles. It didn't exactly say this in the documentary but I took the initiative and read between the lines.
Here is a picture of the Kraken attacking. My initial thoughts are 'fuck that!'



Humans don't actually know a hell of a lot about Blue Whales and until recently they had never seen a newborn 'baby Blue' as it was unknown where Blue Whales travel to for breeding. Leading marine biologists and some other scientists with beards have since discovered that one of the breeding hotspots is a section of ocean called 'The Dome' near the coast of Costa Rica. Because they know this now, it somehow bodes well for the monitoring and well being of Blues Whales, which is actually excellent news. However if there are any whalers reading this and you think you can use that location information for a tip-off, then you need to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror.

Suffice to say, I am a big Blue Whale fan and it pretty much makes me want to give all whalers AIDS since the population of Blues has dropped from around 275,000 to less than 10,000 since whalers began hunting them. Making them officially an endangered species. It is good news that since whaling of blue whales was outlawed their population is slowly on the rise.

Anyway, after that total buzz-kill documentary about Blue Whales I sat on my bed thinking for about 15 minutes while I looked out the window hoping to get a peek of the TFGs (third floor gays) or the guy on the second floor who owns an Iguana to cheer me up. The whole Blue Whale debate seems like a hopeless situation and I really don't know what else to say about it.
When I looked back at my computer there was an email from Sam with an excellent 'Internet link' for me to watch, it would no doubt put me back into a good mood.
I decided to put on my blue lace woman's dressing gown and pretend I was at the cinema. I turned the lights out and the volume up quite loud. After around 3 minutes or so I was hooked.
'WHAT are you watching?' Heather asked as she came into my room for one of her frequent chats.
'A documentary by Carl Sagan about the Fourth Dimension,' I replied.
'You're weird. All you ever do is listen to that weird song about Mars and research outer space. Sam is the same.'
"Ah, It's because we are well informed. It would actually do you some good to make an effort and learn a little bit about the Fourth Dimension,'
'Ah, what even is the Fourth Dimension?' she asked, however my gut instinct was that she was not really that fussed on knowing the answer.
'I can't be bothered explaining right now. But suffice to say that is a much more advanced dimension than the first, second and third. You should just watch this documentary and spend less time working. Otherwise you'll never learn anything worthwhile. And as a side note, that weird song about Mars you are referring to is called The Case For Mars, it's by The Symphony Of Science, and it's pretty much a stroke of genius,'
'Okayyyyy,' she said. She then backed out of the room as if I had gone crazy. Sometimes I felt that her interest in outer space was a little limited, but you can't save everyone I guess.

Here is a little picture on trying to understand the fourth dimension.



I finished the documentary on a high and then emailed Sam:

Yo,
thanks for the link. The Fourth Dimension is totally great, I am pretty sure it is my new favourite dimension.
Seeya,
Reuben AKA Reubocop AKA Lightning Dog.
P.s I have found out some pretty cool things about the planet Jupiter and also the Sun today. Mainly stuff about how Jupiter is approximately 318 times the size of earth. Fact.
And the Sun has a mass of around 330,000 times that of the earth. Its totally nuts, and it just makes me think how big outer space is. It's actually pretty huge.

I didn't get a reply, but knew he was probably thinking the same thing.
My hunger had risen again so I decided to walk down the road to buy some Linsensuppe (lentil soup) from the kebab shop on the corner. It was a shame that one of my main Berlin enemies was working behind the counter when I ordered.
'The Linsensuppe Ferret' cast his beady little rodent eyes over my dressing gown with disapproval as he ladled my soup into the silver orphanage-style bowl. But I really didn't give a flying crap about what he thought, and in protest I got a coke out of the fridge, popped the lid and took a sip before paying for it, all the while making E.C (eye contact) with the L.S Ferret.
He was fast becoming my biggest Berlin enemy and I knew that I would have to watch myself in the soup queue. The logical choice would have been to find a new kebab shop to buy my linsensuppe, but then it is a well known fact that humans are supposed to keep their friends close, but their enemies closer. I then started imagining that if he truly was my enemy and I wanted to stay extremely close to him, it might be an idea to see if he was interested in moving in together. But i realised that I was being a bit extreme and didn't bother mentioning it to him.
I have great news to add!
Phil Collins has a new album out. And there is a huge billboard just down the road from my house with his extremely round head on it just to prove it!
In case you didn't realise, I am being sarcastic and consider this to be the worst news since hearing that Goldblum was not only bringing out two movies in 2010, but now starring in a prime time television show called Law And Order. Great.
Firstly, Phil Collins head is far too round.



Secondly, nobody with a head that round should ever be trusted.



Thirdly, is it absolutely necessary for him to have a picture of just his head on the cover of almost every single album he has made?












Fourthly, I will forever curse Collins and his poor drumming for being the reason that the 1985 Led Zeppelin reunion at Live Aid was a disaster. Even Jimmy Page confirmed that. Here is a picture of Jimmy Page looking totally awesome as he is the greatest



And in contrast, a picture of Phil Collins looking totally annoying as he is the worst.



So essentially, Phil Collins is one of my main enemies at the moment.
In fact, if I was stuck with Collins and Goldblum on a deserted island, I think I would throw myself off the nearest coconut tree to certain death, yelling only
'I regret nothiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnggggggggggg,' as I flew towards my rocky demise.