It had been an exciting few days since the dawning of ‘The Beauties’. Adrenaline was running high in regard to my new venture and I knew it would not be long before the word about the new kids on the foot modeling block hit the street and offers for work came flooding through the door.
I had already photographed ‘The Beauties’ in several picturesque spots around Berlin, traveling as far as Devil’s Mountain and also the ‘gay lake’, otherwise known as Dick Island due to the amount of nude 50+ penises available for viewing at any given time over the summer. It really was paradise as all shapes and sizes were available for viewing, although this was not why I had taken ‘The Beauties’ there for a P.S (photo shoot).
I was a professional and not distracted by flights of fancy or a buttload of nude dicks. I was there to work.
With some pretty historic raw photographic footage of ‘The Beauties’, it was time to approach someone who could turn the images into the inaugural… ‘Postcards’.
The team headed into Mitte to meet with one of Berlin’s leading graphic designers to discuss the project. But the guy thought I was a maniac when I asked if he wanted to be involved on a profit/points system as payment as opposed to cash up front, so in the end I decided to make ‘Postcards’ on my own computer. Even though I had 100 other things that needed doing.
My main focus was to put together my proposal for Air New Zealand, who I would target as my main sponsor for the Postcards From..‘The Beauties’ series and subsequent calender.
With 5 complete ‘Postcards’ and a covering letter, I had a good feeling in my bones about the future.
Please see below the letter I had written to the company.
MIKE TOD
MARKETING MANAGER
AIR NEW ZEALAND
NEW ZEALAND (and beyond)
Dear Mike Tod (the Marketing Manager of Air New Zealand),
This is definitely not a chain letter, I am from New Zealand also and used to work in marketing just like you. Well, not exactly, but I did used to sell paintball tickets in a pyramid scheme type business and learnt a few things about marketing in the process. So we are not really so different you and I.
I now live in Berlin and am writing a book about going for a Guinness World record for highest jump by a pig. I am currently in training with my pig and faithful ally Kenny Powers the Great. The current record is here
http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/records/natural_world/animal_extremes/highest_jump_by_a_pig.aspx
As you can see it is no mean feat to accomplish, but we are both committed and live daily by the motto ‘Kotetsu Must Fall’. (Kotetsu is a vietnamese potbelly who holds the current record just incase you didn’t know).
I also play in a band called An Emerald City, we are quite famous in New Zealand especially in the 40-50 year old hippy category, but not really anything compared to people like Crowded House, Dave Dobbyn or Dane Rumble.
We did recently get a favourable review on the Good Morning breakfast show by Joanna Hunkin, who in my opinion is a massive babe, and I am pretty happy to add that she referred to our music as ‘seductive’, which is not bad for an instrumental band. You can probably google that for proof if you want.
Anyway, I digress, I am here to tell you that this email is probably going to change your life and also the success of Air New Zealand in the coming years and decades, if not centuries.
I have a proposal for you that you will almost undoubtedly be able to refuse.
Please don’t think I am crazy, as I definitely am not. And please make sure you read to the bottom of this email at least, despite the fact you are probably pretty busy with other things to do with Air New Zealand.
Before I continue I must congratulate you on getting Snoop Dogg on board in your last campaign as he is one of my favourite rappers and even though he is famous for smoking ‘The Chronic’ on a massively regular basis it is still great that you guys weren’t scared to put him in some AIRNZ marketing.
It was the confidence in Snoop Dogg that brought me to writing to you about my proposal. Which I like to call ‘Postcards From…’The Beauties’.
In a nutshell:
Recently I discovered after looking at my feet in a park that they were quite beautiful, my friends around me agreed and we all decided that I probably had the potential to be a world famous foot model. I immediately called my feet ‘The Beauties’ and have since given them individual names: Mike (the left foot) and Steph (the right foot), named after my mother and step-father who are obviously great people.
After taking some pretty historical snaps of ‘The Beauties’ in some pretty unbelievable locations
(please see here http://www.facebook.com/pages/Postcards-from-The-Beauties/218844414804139 )
I decided that these pictures should be turned into metaphorical and historical ‘Postcards’ taking in the most beautiful spots around the world. ‘The Beauties’ would obviously be the point of focus, but we could feature things of equal beauty in the background: The Eiffel Tower, The Taj Mahal, Angkor Wat, The Huntly Powerstation. The choices are endless.
Mike Tod, this is where you come in. While I have toyed with the idea of turning ‘The Beauties’ into a pair of NON-EXCLUSIVE foot models and touring the world with various companies, and attending all the fashion weeks and probably being the talk of catwalks the world over (London, Paris, Milan etc etc), I am prepared to change my approach.
To offer Postcards From… ‘The Beauties’ to you as something for your website or company which would not only include visual ‘Postcards’ but also a diary of the journey, nay, odyssey that ‘The Beauties’ go on around the world, changing the world of foot modeling. And travel writing.
In exchange, I would require all travel and accommodation for ‘The Beauties’ team to be covered by Air New Zealand allowing ‘The Beauties’ to reach their full potential in all the spots around the world that we collectively decide to photograph in. I (and ‘The Beauties’ ) would also need a salary (or freelance payment for each edition of ‘Postcards From…The Beauties’) to keep the project (and the artists) afloat.
For the full story of ‘The Beauties’ please go here to read it.
http://whateverorwhateveretc.blogspot.com/2011/07/postcards-from-beauties-part-1-dawning.html
Please ignore the part about magic mushrooms as that was added to give the story more drama. I don’t condone drug use by any means. Even though I probably didn’t need to make that disclaimer as you you guys used Snoop Dogg (the world’s biggest Chronic enthusiast) on your last campaign.
And for further writing go here
http://whateverorwhateveretc.blogspot.com/
Mike Tod, I hope you will consider my offer because I have a long list of airlines and corporations to go through before I stop, and somebody out there is going to see this proposal for what it really is… A chance to make history. I would like to give Air New Zealand the first chance however as I am obviously a true patriot (also, the fact you used Snoop Dogg).
I hope to hear from you soon,
Kind Regards
Reuben P. Bonner and … ‘The Beauties’
p.s Please don’t take this as a threat, but I have been sitting on an idea for over a decade now about starting a rival airline called Ear New Zealand with competitive rates and also a picture of an Ear made out of a Koru for the tails of all the planes and all marketing materials. I don’t think you, or the company, want to see that happen… The ball is in your court.
p.p.s Has anyone ever said your name sounds a lot like Mark Todd, the famous horse rider and owner of Charisma?
If not, you should take this as a compliment as I think he is a true national sports hero and probably a good guy by the look of him.
In related news, I am still waiting on a reply from Mike Tod (aka Mark Todd), but god willing it comes in the next few days.
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