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my small follow up email to Mike Tod from Air New Zealand

Hi Mike!
I am surprised I have not heard back from you, but I understand.
You must be very busy.
I just thought I would write and make sure you weren't offended by my proposal and hope you got the chance to check out the pictures of 'The Beauties'
Anyway, I hope you have not written back as you are having a meeting with your marketing team with how best to launch this exciting new project.

Thanks Mike,
kind regards from REUBEN BONNER

also here is a picture of an awesome cat.

POSTCARDS FROM THE BEAUTIES PART 2. THE PROPOSAL. A tale of hope.

(please see Postcards From The Beauties Part 1 as a background reference http://whateverorwhateveretc.blogspot.com/2011/07/postcards-from-beauties-part-1-dawning.html)

It had been an exciting few days since the dawning of ‘The Beauties’. Adrenaline was running high in regard to my new venture and I knew it would not be long before the word about the new kids on the foot modeling block hit the street and offers for work came flooding through the door.
I had already photographed ‘The Beauties’ in several picturesque spots around Berlin, traveling as far as Devil’s Mountain and also the ‘gay lake’, otherwise known as Dick Island due to the amount of nude 50+ penises available for viewing at any given time over the summer. It really was paradise as all shapes and sizes were available for viewing, although this was not why I had taken ‘The Beauties’ there for a P.S (photo shoot).
I was a professional and not distracted by flights of fancy or a buttload of nude dicks. I was there to work.




With some pretty historic raw photographic footage of ‘The Beauties’, it was time to approach someone who could turn the images into the inaugural… ‘Postcards’.
The team headed into Mitte to meet with one of Berlin’s leading graphic designers to discuss the project. But the guy thought I was a maniac when I asked if he wanted to be involved on a profit/points system as payment as opposed to cash up front, so in the end I decided to make ‘Postcards’ on my own computer. Even though I had 100 other things that needed doing.

My main focus was to put together my proposal for Air New Zealand, who I would target as my main sponsor for the Postcards From..‘The Beauties’ series and subsequent calender.
With 5 complete ‘Postcards’ and a covering letter, I had a good feeling in my bones about the future.



Please see below the letter I had written to the company.


MIKE TOD
MARKETING MANAGER
AIR NEW ZEALAND
NEW ZEALAND (and beyond)

Dear Mike Tod (the Marketing Manager of Air New Zealand),

This is definitely not a chain letter, I am from New Zealand also and used to work in marketing just like you. Well, not exactly, but I did used to sell paintball tickets in a pyramid scheme type business and learnt a few things about marketing in the process. So we are not really so different you and I.

I now live in Berlin and am writing a book about going for a Guinness World record for highest jump by a pig. I am currently in training with my pig and faithful ally Kenny Powers the Great. The current record is here
http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/records/natural_world/animal_extremes/highest_jump_by_a_pig.aspx
As you can see it is no mean feat to accomplish, but we are both committed and live daily by the motto ‘Kotetsu Must Fall’. (Kotetsu is a vietnamese potbelly who holds the current record just incase you didn’t know).
I also play in a band called An Emerald City, we are quite famous in New Zealand especially in the 40-50 year old hippy category, but not really anything compared to people like Crowded House, Dave Dobbyn or Dane Rumble.
We did recently get a favourable review on the Good Morning breakfast show by Joanna Hunkin, who in my opinion is a massive babe, and I am pretty happy to add that she referred to our music as ‘seductive’, which is not bad for an instrumental band. You can probably google that for proof if you want.

Anyway, I digress, I am here to tell you that this email is probably going to change your life and also the success of Air New Zealand in the coming years and decades, if not centuries.
I have a proposal for you that you will almost undoubtedly be able to refuse.
Please don’t think I am crazy, as I definitely am not. And please make sure you read to the bottom of this email at least, despite the fact you are probably pretty busy with other things to do with Air New Zealand.
Before I continue I must congratulate you on getting Snoop Dogg on board in your last campaign as he is one of my favourite rappers and even though he is famous for smoking ‘The Chronic’ on a massively regular basis it is still great that you guys weren’t scared to put him in some AIRNZ marketing.

It was the confidence in Snoop Dogg that brought me to writing to you about my proposal. Which I like to call ‘Postcards From…’The Beauties’.

In a nutshell:
Recently I discovered after looking at my feet in a park that they were quite beautiful, my friends around me agreed and we all decided that I probably had the potential to be a world famous foot model. I immediately called my feet ‘The Beauties’ and have since given them individual names: Mike (the left foot) and Steph (the right foot), named after my mother and step-father who are obviously great people.

After taking some pretty historical snaps of ‘The Beauties’ in some pretty unbelievable locations
(please see here http://www.facebook.com/pages/Postcards-from-The-Beauties/218844414804139 )
I decided that these pictures should be turned into metaphorical and historical ‘Postcards’ taking in the most beautiful spots around the world. ‘The Beauties’ would obviously be the point of focus, but we could feature things of equal beauty in the background: The Eiffel Tower, The Taj Mahal, Angkor Wat, The Huntly Powerstation. The choices are endless.

Mike Tod, this is where you come in. While I have toyed with the idea of turning ‘The Beauties’ into a pair of NON-EXCLUSIVE foot models and touring the world with various companies, and attending all the fashion weeks and probably being the talk of catwalks the world over (London, Paris, Milan etc etc), I am prepared to change my approach.
To offer Postcards From… ‘The Beauties’ to you as something for your website or company which would not only include visual ‘Postcards’ but also a diary of the journey, nay, odyssey that ‘The Beauties’ go on around the world, changing the world of foot modeling. And travel writing.

In exchange, I would require all travel and accommodation for ‘The Beauties’ team to be covered by Air New Zealand allowing ‘The Beauties’ to reach their full potential in all the spots around the world that we collectively decide to photograph in. I (and ‘The Beauties’ ) would also need a salary (or freelance payment for each edition of ‘Postcards From…The Beauties’) to keep the project (and the artists) afloat.

For the full story of ‘The Beauties’ please go here to read it.
http://whateverorwhateveretc.blogspot.com/2011/07/postcards-from-beauties-part-1-dawning.html
Please ignore the part about magic mushrooms as that was added to give the story more drama. I don’t condone drug use by any means. Even though I probably didn’t need to make that disclaimer as you you guys used Snoop Dogg (the world’s biggest Chronic enthusiast) on your last campaign.

And for further writing go here
http://whateverorwhateveretc.blogspot.com/

Mike Tod, I hope you will consider my offer because I have a long list of airlines and corporations to go through before I stop, and somebody out there is going to see this proposal for what it really is… A chance to make history. I would like to give Air New Zealand the first chance however as I am obviously a true patriot (also, the fact you used Snoop Dogg).

I hope to hear from you soon,
Kind Regards
Reuben P. Bonner and … ‘The Beauties’

p.s Please don’t take this as a threat, but I have been sitting on an idea for over a decade now about starting a rival airline called Ear New Zealand with competitive rates and also a picture of an Ear made out of a Koru for the tails of all the planes and all marketing materials. I don’t think you, or the company, want to see that happen… The ball is in your court.

p.p.s Has anyone ever said your name sounds a lot like Mark Todd, the famous horse rider and owner of Charisma?
If not, you should take this as a compliment as I think he is a true national sports hero and probably a good guy by the look of him.



In related news, I am still waiting on a reply from Mike Tod (aka Mark Todd), but god willing it comes in the next few days.

POSTCARDS FROM THE BEAUTIES part 1. The Dawning of 'The Beauties'

The Rise and Subsequent Demise (and the subsequent re-rise) of some of the greatest foot modeling talent ever to be seen on this god forsaken earth.

I realized something out of nowhere.
‘My feet really are quite beautiful,’ I said looking down at them with magic mushroom residue/particles flying around the synapses in my already dilapidated brain.
My three Australian compatriots looked up at me to try and determine whether I was in fact being serious, and as they saw my emotional involvement in the statement, they looked down to my feet to see if there was any truth in it.

As far as I was concerned, the slight tan my feet had, combined with the slight dusting of dirt from walking around the park barefoot, created a sheen that made them look ruggedly handsome, summery, and in a nutshell: ‘foot-modelly’.



Dord laughed as the reality hit her. She stared at them shocked with her hand to her mouth, unsure if it was the mushrooms playing a cruel trick and said:
‘They actually are… I mean, they actually are quite beautiful,’ she looked around at the others and laughed again with as much shock as we were all feeling at the realization.
‘I’m not gonna lie…They are pretty good,’ agreed Eli nodding his head.
‘Matt?’ I asked to my other friend.
‘Yeah…pretty good I reckon.’
It took another few minutes of staring at them from different angles, in different lights, and even taking photos to confirm.
I received a fourth and fifth opinion from my ex-flatmate Heather and her same sex life partner Vero, who had arrived to the park in the meantime.

While they were unconvinced and preceded to question the potential of my feet, I didn’t let it ‘harsh my mellow’ and thought to myself, ‘What the hell would they know about foot modeling’.

‘I’m calling them ‘The Beauties’’ I said.
Silence.
‘Ahh, You can’t name your feet The Beauties, especially when they look like that,’ said Heather.
‘Ahhhh, yes I can, because I just did,’
To affirm it, I spun around with cat like reflexes, rolled onto my back and slowly lifted my legs towards the sky and held ‘The Beauties’ in front of a narrow sunbeam that was shining through the glade we were sitting in.
As the light of the new morning shone upon them to reveal their beauty, it was as if the earth stood still for a second.
I could almost feel everyone gasp at how beautiful the moment was, and it felt like one of the most important events in my life so far, and even slightly like the turning point in a Harry Potter film.

It was powerful like lightning, and magnificent like a rainbow. It was the dawning of… ‘The Beauties’.




‘I think ‘The Beauties’ is pretty good’ said Eli.
‘Yeah, I think it’s good,’ agreed Matt.
Dord just laughed uncontrollably, nodding her head in agreement.

‘This is just like how you give yourself these ridiculous nicknames every couple of months. You should not be able to give yourself a nickname, and you should not be able to name your feet ‘The Beauties’ said Heather.
‘Ah, Heather did you not just see that beam of light reflecting off ‘The Beauties’ making it feel like we just shared one of the most special moments in history, if not, ever? It was a sign’ I said.
I was beginning to see ‘The Red Mist’ in regard to Heather’s lack of enthusiasm about the potential of ‘The Beauties’. It reminded of when we lived together when she would not admit that outer space was better than anything ever and also that Carl Sagan was the greatest scientist ever.

‘Hey, wait a second’ said Matt ‘what nicknames have you given yourself?’
‘The Red Mist’ subsided briefly:
‘I would say the more memorable ones are probably
a) Maniac
b) The Vigilante or The Vidge
c) Reubo-cop
d) The Baron
e) Boulders
f) Omelette
And also my name for when I am practicing magic: The Great Maniac Holstfield Wonders,’
‘Those are good,’ said Eli.
‘Yeah they are good,’ agreed Matt.
‘What about ‘The Healer’ or ‘Hannibal Lector’?’ said Heather.
‘Sam actually named me those, however I do think they both have potential,’ I replied distracted, as I was too busy looking down in awe at ‘The Beauties’.
‘Fantastic, they are just fantastic,’ I thought to myself.

My brain was going at 100 mph (which is ironic seeing I had grown up with the metric system). I knew ‘The Beauties’ needed to be doing something better than hanging around in a park connected to someone tripping on magic mushrooms.
The world needed to see them. Immediately. (STAT).
My brain kept ticking…

I had an idea, nay, a concept. I imagined a foot modeling campaign that traversed the globe with no rules or boundaries, an epic voyage in which to photograph ‘The Beauties’ in some of the most visually astounding spots on God’s green earth. The Eiffel Tower, The Colloseum, the 8 Wonders of the World, the Taj Mahal. The possibilities were endless, and the adventure would be a way to rediscover life itself for me, my faithful ally and friend Kenny Powers and of course… ‘The Beauties’.
I would call it ‘Postcards from…‘The Beauties’’, and IMHO (in my humble opinion) it would reshape the world of foot modeling, forever.

I would write to various corporations for sponsorship, to fund this Odyssey, and my first thought was to approach an airline which had the capability to fly us around and make sure ‘The Beauties’ made it to every photo shoot.
I knew the concept was flawless and also thought that at the end of it all I could take the best 12 ‘Postcards’ and make a calender entitled ‘Postcards From ‘The Beauties’… The Calender’

My initial thought would be to ask my friend Peter Magnum aka Tom Petty to accompany me as the photographer as he had
a) an eye for detail
b) a lust for life
c) a set of legs on him that we referred to as ‘The Mountain Blasters’. While they were extremely skinny, they had an unbridled power second to none, and I knew that some form of ‘Mountain Blasters’ photo series could work as an offshoot on ‘The Beauties’ franchise.








Things were looking up for The Great Maniac Holstfield Wonders and Kenny Powers The Great. (and the Mountain Blasters).

As a side note, here is a picture of The Mountain Blasters in full effect.



My train of thought was interrupted by Eli.
‘Hey, where the hell is Kenny Powers?’ he said.
‘He will be rooting around for truffles or down at the animal enclosure looking at the yak. Don’t worry about it.’ I told him.
Kenny Powers was big enough and ugly enough to look after his own affairs, and I had bigger fish to fry at this point anyway.

PLEASE SEE BELOW FOR AN INSIGHT INTO THE WORLD OF 'POSTCARDS FROM... 'THE BEAUTIES''
you can also become a fan on facebook
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Postcards-from-The-Beauties/218844414804139

Berlin 06/11 'The Beauties' overlooking their hometown with a renewed vigour knowing that the summer is on it's way.


'Springtime Forest' by ... 'The Beauties'...
The Beauties love nothing more than to be at one with nature. Here they are caught on a brief respite hiking in the forests of Northern Germany. As comfortable in the woods as they are on the catwalks of Paris and New York, 'The Beauties' show their diversity and continue to prove why they are the best feet in the business.


'Radar Base In The Afternoon' by ... 'The Beauties'.


'Portugese Paradise' by... 'The Beauties'
The tanning never stops for 'The Beauties' when summer rolls through. Here we see them overlooking the coast of Lagos, Portugal. Fitted with their new accessory: a locally made Slingshot, summer sun and of course... FUN! 'The Beauties' made a real mark on Portugal.


'Nightcap' by... 'The Beauties'
After a long day of foot modeling, you are most likely to find 'The Beauties' with their feet up, enjoying after work drinks by themselves, friends, or even with a 'significant other'. Sophisticated as ever, 'The Beauties' like to make sure they are rewarded with the right kind of tipple, in this case.. Jamesons.